"it" just moved
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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