Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize