Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
