and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
