No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
