i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
