I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
