I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Less talking, more tequila
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
