playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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