They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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