I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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