i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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