whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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