The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
