Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
