if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
