I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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