how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
