You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
