His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
