im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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