$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
