I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
