What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
don't judge my taste in strippers
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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