My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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