I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
