i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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