life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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