My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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