I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
