Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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