Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
