I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this hospital has no fireball
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
