I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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