Sorry, I don't speak sober.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
