I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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