I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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