Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize