Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
