I want to make a zoo with you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
