and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
