Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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