I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
soo... how was my night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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