i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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