I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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