I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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