My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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