this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
