If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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