Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
