The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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