i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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