nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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