Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
