At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
