Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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