ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
