Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize