Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
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No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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