roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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